going tilt

I am still here,

but I have been rather quiet lately.

The facts are that we have been sick. 

SICK for over a month people.

The last bought started with waking up to a "Mom, I puked" at 12:30 a.m.

And an,
"I almost made it."

Sigh.  (Aren't you glad that I didn't post a picture here ;)

That ailment passed through all 4 of us and I am the last to recover.

I've resorted to washing my hands with antibacterial kitchen spray and hand soap now:

a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.

The facts are that we've had a lot of stress lately

coming from a number of different

big things

in our life.

I'm sure that hasn't helped the "sick" thing either.

I have to admit that when bad things happen

in my life

I usually default to feeling guilty

that somehow I caused this

and that I should know how to make it go away.

This thinking, in itself, is not bad. 

There is some practical wisdom that can from this type of thinking.

BUT

this thinking becomes a problem for me when it paralyzes me with guilt.

Let me illustrate:

A few weeks ago, the sweet ladies at our Ladies' Bible Study asked me to share

the story of our youngest son's birth and how God healed him.

I asked them if I could share another time because I wasn't up to it.

I didn't want to share because #1 it was likely going to make me cry (who likes doing that in public?)

and

#2 that whole situation didn't go the way I wanted it to.  Right then, it didn't seem like much of a victory testimony.
You see,

I wanted him to be born with no complications and to be able to come home right away healthy and whole.

Instead, he was in the hospital for 25 days, had two blood transfusions, and was on Oxygen for 6 months.   

I have carried a lot of guilt about that.
That's why I really didn't want to share.

It was a rough journey for all of us.

It was painful emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

During that time we met many
people who were going through even more painful circumstances with their little ones.
The Bible is filled with people who were healed instantly.
Why wasn't my faith big enough or strong enough to make that happen for my baby?
And that is the guilt in a nutshell.

This could get really theological right about now. 
I could be opening up a big can of worms by speaking this publicly.
But I hate feeling like a fraud or hypocrite.
Facing the facts is the quickest way to bring about change.
So, I'm putting my brave on
and facing these facts publicly.

Here is what I believe God showed me this morning.
I saw myself in a pinball machine.
I was being bopped around haphazardly
between
a lot of either or situations that I had set up
in my own thought patterns.
Either God heals baby in the way I had imagined
or my faith is null and void.
Either God provides for us in the way that I had imagined
or my faith is null and void.
Et cetera, et cetera.
I was going tilt.

Get the picture? 
It's noisy and unpredictable in that pinball machine.
It's stressful in there.

And then I was reminded of God's Word in Psalm 121:
"I lift up my eyes to the hills,
From where does my help come?
[I am letting God take the lid off my pinball game, and I am looking up
to HIM.  He is where my help comes from.]
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved,
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper,
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

Looking back, my life has not
always gone the way I had wanted it,
but God has always kept me.

God did heal my son.  He is healthy and whole and FULL of life.
And that is a victory testimony, isn't it?

I am purposely going to change my gaze from being on how I want things to go
to looking to Whom my help comes from.

It's already feeling a whole lot more peaceful in my soul.
I don't know exactly how He is going to do it, but He is going to keep me now and forevermore.
Amen (which means: let it be)

Back to School: the substitute

picture courtesy of scienceblogs.com

I've been teaching for almost ten years

but
I haven't done a tonne of

substitute teaching.

For the last little bit, I've been almost full timing as a sub.
OK, sometimes my heart races a little bit  - but for the most part it has been great.

What I have discovered is that I really love the kids.
I thought that it would be hard getting to know the students
if I were only with them once in a while.
But it's working out that I am just getting to know
a whole lot more kids
than I would if I had a homeroom.

So I'm putting more of my creative energies into the classroom these days
but I'm still thinking about you my bloggy friends.

I've been hoping to get to a pair of shoes that I really love. 
Maybe I could give them a touch of  Sugar Bee. 

She modge podged shoes people!  And they are gorgeous!!!

I'll keep you posted when I get brave enough to jump in on the shoe project :)

Nothing says LOVE like ... & 21 Day Challenge Update

Dr. Pepper went out of his way to make my day special.

He baked a Chocolate Fudge Cake.

He flipped burgers in the flipping cold.

He helped the boys put sparklers and candles on the cake.

I'm feeling very loved today.

My boys have given me extra hugs and kisses. 

The youngest used his allowance to buy a special DVD for me.

My neighbor to the "south"

brought me a gift that says she knows me well

(bubble bath and a pedicure set)

I've had many personal, facebook, phone, and blogger birthday wishes.

So far, 36 has been awesome.

Thanks everyone!

PS. Here is my bootroom pic taken today to prove that it's still in order :)

I've got to play the "21 day challenge" fairly.





Birthday Wishes





It's my day to blow the candles out. 

What should I wish for?

2011

It's over... officially over. 

All the hustle and bustle of Christmas, New Year's and everything that comes with it

is over.

I'm not as exhausted as I expected to be when I wrote this.

Actually, I'm excited to see what God has for us in 2011.

This is going to be a big year of change for us as a family.

I don't know all the details yet,

but the changes are going to be good.

This morning at church Pastor Lloyd talked to us about

letting go of the past

so that we can embrace our future.

If we choose to "camp"

at our past victories or failures

we can't move on to what God has for us today.

I'm moving on!

May 2011 be the year where your dreams are recognized,

your heart's desire is realized,

 and your hopes are materialized.

Happy, Happy, Happy

New Year!!!

In Memororium

This picture of my mom's family was taken the Sunday before her oldest sister bravely boarded a boat

to immigrate to Canada (1953).  Later, my mom boarded the same boat to make the same journey.  They would leave the rest of their family in the Netherlands. 
My mom is the beauty on the far right.

As a child, my mom used to say that she always wanted to be able to see the tower in her hometown. 

Our ideas are sometimes so different than God's purposes.  

Love and providence took her across the Atlantic to settle in Canada in 1954. 

Yesterday one of my mom's sister (the one standing in the photograph) in the Netherlands went to be with Jesus.

I only knew her a little bit. 

but I remember her to be kind, real, and full of life.

She will be greatly missed. 

 

Christmas is Messy

I have this idyllic image of Christmas in my head.

It goes something like this:

I calmly and peacefully

enjoy each precious day of December

counting down to the glorious day.

I float from stress less shopping at the mall where all the ideal gifts are free and fancifully wrapped,

to effortless Christmas pageant rehearsals where the children and I always remember our lines.

 

Smells of gingerbread mingle with pine

as I wake up to my perfectly tidy and pristinely clean house where the

tree is decorated,

the stockings are hung,

and each hall is decked out in Christmas glory.

But the startling reality bombards me. 

It goes something like this:

I scream through

each exhausting day of December

dreading the impending arrival of the anticipated day.

I race through shopping malls looking for gifts to express my appreciation and love

for mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, dear friends, teachers, bus drivers etc.

wishing that my bank account and I were both inexhaustible.

I arrive at Christmas pageant rehearsal

praying that my children and I will remember our lines

and find a suitable costume

in time.

I wake up wishing I could smell the iced balsam candles

over the lingering scent of last night's supper and wondering if today might be the day that I 

move and throw into the sea

the mountain of laundry in my basement.

I hope that tonight

when I lay me down

there will be some presents wrapped and under the tree.

But as I sit here

far too early this morning

I wonder about

Jesus' mama

and how she felt that first Christmas day.



When a beautifully perfect baby boy was

born into a

stinky

unsanitary

barn

to travel weary parents

experiencing a very chaotic socio-economic atmosphere.

Let's face it:

Christmas is messy. 

So I think I might just

drop the idyllic image in my head

and embrace the reality that Jesus was also

born into this messy life.

He came to make us clean

and free

and full of peace.

I will probably spend the rest of the days of this month

scurrying around trying to get everything done.

I'll probably enter January

utterly exhausted.

But in this moment

I am putting a new idyllic image in my mind.

It's the one above

of Mary and Joseph

holding that precious baby Jesus

in the middle of their messy, chaotic,

and hard to understand circumstances.

I pray that both you and I will

experience the embrace

of the Saviour

this season.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

what I've been up to this week

I've been out of the classroom for a few years (taking some precious time with my boys)

but I've been back this week

substituting teaching in a Grade 2 class.

I've had so much fun playing with this:

 I don't know if your child's classroom is equipped with one of these,

but they are truly amazing.

Pictures just don't do it justice.

I hope that you are having a great week too!

Sweet Love Notes from 2 Little Boys

Ever since the boys brought their candy bags home

I have been finding these:

 This one was left on my pillow last night.

And when I was blogging tonight

I found one on my desk.

The boys know that they are my favorite

so they leave them out

for me to find.

They just make me smile!  I love those boys!!!

Spiritual Emergency Room Statistics

I have been at "school" for the last couple of days here.

This is Dr. Dean Radtke

who empowered us with

specific mindsets,

skills, and

organizational structures  that will enable us 

to accomplish more

AND

have a better quality of life.

Now who wouldn't say yes to that? 

This course was specifically geared toward 

churches and ministries,

but some good friends of ours came to glean information for their businesses.

We learned a lot of specific information that I am excited to implement and see the rewards of.  

One thing that I am thinking about:

Dr. Radtke compared churches

to spiritual emergency rooms. 

How well are we meeting the needs of those individuals coming through the doors?

What percentage of people get help

and what percentage of people leave

and never come back? 

What do those statistics look like?

I'm calculating and facing the facts.

I'm thinking

and praying for wisdom

to do a better job so that we can

help a lot more precious people find

healing, help, restoration, and hope

through Jesus.  

Hope Restored

When we came home from our vacation this past August, I was feeling pretty bummed. In fact, as we got closer and closer to home, I was feeling more and more bummed.

And this is what I saw:

a rainbow.  The sign that God gave Noah and his family to restore hope. 

Now, I should have been jubilant, but I was bummed.  I felt more like, "Harrumph! God, I need more than a rainbow to give me hope right now."  (Ever feel like that, or am I the only one?)

After we got home, step by step, God has been restoring hope where I had lost it.  He has taken me by the hand and is showing me hope- specific things to hope for in my present circumstances.  He has used a bunch of little and not so little things really.  For instance, Dr. Pepper (my new nickname for my dear husband) and I have picked up a series of books that is really helping us adjust our thinking, behaviour, and subsequently our lives.  I've also been reexamining dreams that I had let go because of circumstances and self-imposed limitations. It's exhilarating to have old dreams and hopes resurrected.

I have the opportunity to share a little in church this morning as we take up the offering.  I'm going to share about hope.  Hebrews 11:1 says that, "Faith is the substance of things HOPED for..." (emphasis mine)

If we have lost hope, we have nothing to attach faith to.  Our faith then becomes null and void and unable to produce any good fruit in our lives.  There is an attack against our hope.  Proverbs 13:12 says that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."  Deferred means postponed or yielded to the wishes or opinions of another.  If the enemy can just get us to give up hope, he knows he has disabled our faith and our ability to complete what God has created us to accomplish.  We also become miserable and completely devoid of all joy, which is a happy byproduct of the enemy's plan.  If we are without the joy of the Lord, we are without our source of strength... it's like cryptonite to our souls.

I invite you to join me in searching our own hearts and examining if there are any areas where we have lost hope.  Let's take those areas to our Father God and ask Him to heal them and renew the dreams and desires that He has given us.  Let's be sensitive to His guidance for specific steps that we can take to restore hope in ourselves and others.    

What do you say?       

Successful Blogger?

I just read a post from another Canadian blogger today (YEAH Canada!)  She was giving "tips" on becoming a successful blogger.  Maybe that was just my interpretation of what she wrote, but it did get me thinking: Why am I doing this blogging thing?

So here, in no particular order,  are my reasons to blog:

1. A whole bunch of blogging ladies had become my virtual friends.  It was a pretty one sided friendship though and I was beginning to feel like a peeping Tom without putting myself out there too.  
2. It's a place to document the tablescapes that I have created.  I started doing them for church about a year and a half ago, and then people started asking me to do them for private functions.  Now I can click the "centerpiece" label and they all come up- my mini portfolio that I can access pretty much anywhere.
3. To reconnect with dear friends from the past (you know who you are- love you girls). 
4. To learn something new (I joined my first linking party today ;)
5. Motivation to get some projects on the list done.

But the bottom line is that I'm doing this for fun.  There are some amazing ladies out there who have hundreds or more followers and are just celebrating their first blogging anniversary.  Kudos to you!  I, on the other hand  have 2 followers after 4 months.  I love you dearly my followers!  Thank you!  But I am not going to get discouraged because I am still a little fish in the blogging world.  Those big whigs must be putting  a whole lot more time, money, and effort into this thing that I am willing to.  And I'm OK with that.  I have these guys to consider:

And him too:



They help me to keep it real.  So there probably will not be amazing amounts of involved projects etc. posted here any time soon.  I won't be reworking every room in my house in the next ten days.  I'm just going to continue being the real me creating, reflecting, and living my real life.  BUT there will continue to be smiles on the faces of the 3 men in my life - and MINE.

Thank you to those of you who have told me via facebook, email, phone, or in person that you've been enjoying my blog.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!  It encourages me to keep on with my little fish efforts. 

Love you all!

Pondering Parenting

"He who loves him [his son] is diligent to discipline him. "Proverbs 13:22b

I've been pondering parenting a lot lately. A lot. I'm thinking about it. I'm reading about it. I'm asking parents and grandparents about it. I am seeking God about it.

Often, I feel like I am swimming against the cultural current of contemporary parenting. Anyone else ever feel like that? I grow weary of it at times. But I love my children and I promised before God and my church community that I would do my best to train them up in the ways of the Lord. The stakes are high, eternally high.

I'm reading Boundaries with Kids right now. Here are excerpts, just some of the parts that I've underlined so far.

"But one goal of parenting is to keep an eye on the future. We are raising our children to be responsible adults." p.14

"Certainly, child rearing requires many different interventions. There are times for helping, for not getting involved, or for being strict. But the real issue is this: Is what you are doing being done on purpose? Or are you doing it from reasons that you don't think about such as your own personality, childhood, need of the moment, or fears?" p.14

"Too little freedom to gain experience, and the child forever remains a child. Too much freedom and the child is in danger of hurting himself. So balancing freedom and limits becomes a major task in child rearing." p.19-20

I began this post with a scripture that I came upon tonight. God says that those who love their children are diligent to discipline them.

diligent: constant in effort

attentive and persistent in doing

done or pursued with persevering attention

So if you are on this parenting adventure like I am right now, I pray that you will be inspired, encouraged, and strengthened to express your love to your children by diligently disciplining them.

Post Post Ponderings: When I talk about discipline I am talking about redirection or focus... really discipling (same root word and all).  I hoped that readers realize that I don't mean "punishing".  That would put a whole different spin on the post and one that I certainly had not intended. :)

Thumbs up to "Temple Grandin" Movie

OK, I watched it twice and I could go back for more. It gets a big thumbs up from our house. The second time I watched it with the running commentary from the writer, director, and Ms. Grandin herself. The movie presents us with an amazing opportunity to understand the way people on the autism spectrum experience the world. "Different, not less."

I feel challenged to be a better parent, teacher, and person. What did you think?

Kissing Summer Goodbye

Oh, it is bittersweet isn't it?

I love the comfort of fall sweaters, the scent of freshly baked apple pie, and the sight of crimson or burnt orange leaves but it did seem to come early this year. The pic is from a couple of weeks ago. The boys decided to brave the chilly weather to play ball hockey. I don't imagine this is the regular street hockey uniform for August, but it's Canada - and it's always wise to layer :).

I have that same bittersweet feeling about my boys heading back to school. I'm happy to see them settle into their new classes, but I do miss them at home. I'm proud to see them grow more and more independent, but I miss them being my constant companions. I wouldn't want it any other way, but this quiet reflection does remind me to savor the season... no matter which one it is.

So goodbye summer! We'll miss you, but fall is calling. We've got leaves to rake and jump in.

The Big 1-0!

10 years ago today life began... married life that is. And what a ride it has been. We've bought and built a home. We've been blessed with two wonderful boys. We've had lots of adventures and many many laughs. It has been wonderful. It has also been difficult. We've been through numerous job losses, seperation due to retraining or work away from home, miscarriage, a very sick baby, Ronald McDonald House :), baby home on O2, both of us working full time and having childcare issues, surgeries, as well as bad dreams and bad days. Likely, if I hadn't married this most kind, Christian, and hilarious man in the world TEN years ago neither of us would have had to walk through a lot of these difficult things. But would I trade it? Not for a second.

I'm ready to hold his hand for another 50 +, thanking God for him all the way.

Celebrating Canada Day @ RMH National Historic Site

"Canadian Boys Rock"

Fur Trader Boat.

Apparently this is how the voyageurs carried 90 lbs each (the boys were carrying empty boxes).


After completing the challenges the boys were officially signed as members of the Hudson Bay Company.

Toy Story 3

I knew I was going to cry. Andy is going to college? Where has the time gone?

It's Tuesday - cheap movie night so we went to the much anticipated Toy Story 3 tonight. Half way through, I was sure that neither the boys or I could ever get rid of a toy again. Just when I had planned to thin down the toy supply they come out with a movie like this? Not fair toymakers of America... not fair.

But, in the end, it ended just as it should.

It got the 8 thumbs up review from our family. But moms, bring a few tissues (maybe sneak one to dad too... just in case).

Ronald McDonald House & Life

Seven years ago, in October, was our first stay at the Ronald McDonald House. Our baby # 2 was born early due to complications of pregnancy (Rh incompatibility). We were swept up in the moment trying to cope with the situation of having a sick child, being 2 1/2 hours from home, having a 19 month old to care for etc. when the kind hospital personnel referred us to the Ronald McDonald House.

We arrived on Thanksgiving. Some people had prepared a Thanksgiving dinner for the residents that day. During dinner we discovered that another one of the families in the house was from a small town very close to our own. She asked me, "Don't you long for that simple country life?" They had arrived at the house approximately one week prior to us. Their young son was battling cancer and just beginning treatment. His mom told me about the "beaded journey". For each significant step (a poke, chemo, remission, trip to the clinic etc.) the child receives a bead to add to his string.

During our time in the house, we prayed for each other and encouraged each other in the Lord. She photocopied a devotional that she found encouraging. After we came home, we exchanged Christmas cards and updates. We would follow their family from afar through mutual friends and the local newspapers.

A few weeks ago they invited us to a fundraiser for Ronald McDonald House and the Kids Cancer Society that they were planning. We were excited to attend and celebrate 5 years of recovered health for their child. God is faithful and we are soooo thankful. What a joyous occasion!

It was great to visit with the families. Our boys had a great time mini-golfing & getting their faces painted. But what really arrested me was seeing the "beaded journey". It was about 3 metres long. I'm still speechless. The reality of seeing each bead as a representation of a step toward health that a young child and his family took together. Praise God that he is healthy and whole today! What a long way they have come.

I went home and prayed for the families in the Ronald McDonald House that we stayed at and all the other ones worldwide. In each one are families fighting for the health of a child. They are seperated from familiy and friends and walking an often very difficult road. I pray for healing, health and wholeness for each one.

Our son is well today. From looking at him now you would never guess his difficult start in life. We thank God! Jesus said that he came to give life and life more abundantly. Thank you for that life!

A Little Help from our Friends

Look what arrived at our house last week.